Sunday, July 25, 2004
taking up a new online reading regimen... that includes Wired.com and Slate.com
haha. Increase my reading! yeah. well, if i have time. mostly i think i'll have to pull it out of sunday mornings. But today's interesting read is http://www.typophile.com/smallerpicture/
haha.. try it, looks fun!
9:40 AM
Saturday, July 24, 2004
11:49 PM
Sunday, July 18, 2004
oh wow.
i was just about to sign up for PayPal to get something for Key, but then I googled toget the paypal website and came up with some other stuff instead. PayPalSucks.com
It's scary! Think I'm definitely not getting an account now.
11:18 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
So.. I haven't had my operation yet! turns out, after a CT scan, that the bone fracture is larger than they expected.. so a routine, 2 hour operation they could do on the fly has become a 5 hour one that they must "plan for", cos it's "quite complicated". 30th July, 2004.
Ah well. it did mean that among other things, I got to see Kenneth and Matthew in camp, will likely get to write my injury report in camp, got to know Qiu Bin better on the train ride back home today, and..
oh yah, bumped into Aaron Shahril Yusof Maniam too! haha.. quite a surprise for both of us.. have to catch up with him...
1:57 PM
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Had a big fight with my mom yesterday. well, i dunno if it was a fight,but an argument at least.
I guess I'm on my own quite stressed about this operation, jut that I try not to say it out. Hide it behind the bluster and rush of going for the op, changing duties, and cheerfully telling people that I've been walking around with a fractured wrist for 3 months. I don't really even want to think about what could go wrong. All I know is I am basically living a cripple's life right now, and even though I get by, using just my right hand for anything more complicated than buttoning a shirt, the hand will get worse if not treated. So it would take pretty bad odds on the operation to scare me OUT of it.
And to me, this seems like a pretty routine operation. The fracture happens a lot and it's the most common treatment. So, yes, GA is risky, and operating is risky, but what kind of medical operation doesn't carry risks? There's no need to pressure me into getting a second opinion by this roundabout method of saying, oh there might be some risks, doctor hasn't told you about, so on, so forth.
In the end it boils down to this: I trust the doctor. I've never met him before this appointment. And I have to admit what Jerm said, he DID NOT tell me what the risks are, etc. But I trust that intuition ( MBTI agrees too!) and I think, he's telling me what he would do in my position. It's not like he's a used car salesman.
I don't need them to tell me, oh, maybe this is off. More like encouragement, a hug, a prayer, you know?
9:03 AM
Monday, July 05, 2004
went to see the specialist today about my wrist injury. NUH, 8.40 am, Clinic 'B'.
So it turns out doctors don't come in until 9am, so the place was very empty at first. That soon changed though. I was being seen at first by a couple of young doctors, I think one was understudying the other. So after aligning my hands, checking for swelling and testing for pain, he said that I possibly had a fracture and wanted to send me for an xray. At this point, a very much older, distinguished-looking man came in, and it was plain to me that both the doctors, as well as the two other young people following the older man, all deferred to him. I guess he must be the head specialist in the department. So the doctor explained what he had done so far.
I went up for the xray, it's on the floor above. It took me a while to get through reception, where i suddenly was struck by the same coincidence that happened to me the last time I was in NUH, for my eye scar inspection, that there's this whole bunch of patients who all sound vaguely indonesian. Anyway, once past reception, the xray itself was very quick, I barely had time to sit down before being called into the room by a very professional technician with the slightest hint of a chinese accent.. which reminded me of the two times I've had x-rays at TTSH, both done by technicians with a stronger chinese accent. Hmmm... Come to think of it, most of the doctors who've treated me have spoken with an accent that made me think of UK ( as opposed to US or Singapore).
upon my return, I submitted my xray and waited patiently to be called into the room. When I was finally called in (by this time the whole waiting room was absolutely packed!) I walked in to see the head specialist guy and my doctor talking over an xray film, talking about "yes, a definite fracture there" and possible treatment plans. Was that mine? They left me hanging for suspense filled minute while they kept talking.
That's one thing i find strange about doctors. They like to talk to each other about a patient, while the patient is in the room, like he ISN'T THERE! I felt like so much meat the previous time hwne the plastic people were stitching up my eye and they were talking about the upcoming convention in Brunei, the lady surgeon's Irish fly-half rugger boyfriend, and about how nice the stitching was...
So yes, they WERE talking about me. The doctor, after the discussion was over, kindly went through my injury with me... A scaphoid fracture, (google it yourself! :> ) How the TTSH people missed it? Doctor said it commonly doesn't show up on initial x-rays, and I verified by googling it. So i've been walking around with a broken wrist for two months plus, good thing I managed to resist the urge to play ball! Tricky thing about it is, this bone has some issues with blood supply and the density of the bone, so it is not the kind of bone that heals well on its own... so the option of just putting it in a cast is no-go, especially since it's been a while. Instead, they're going to do a bone-graft... which is, they're going to take a small piece of bone out of my left arm, which is more able to heal itself, and insert it and compact it around the fracture site with a metal screw.
A lot of thoughts were going through my mind at this point. 1) Will I always sound off the metal detector at airport gates now? (curiously, the doctor said everyone asks that. and so far I'm 4 of 4 for extended conversations about the arm leading to that topic.) 2) Damn, it's just like the nightmare i had saturday night about this visit. except that they operated immediately on local anaesthaetic in the dream and I felt the pain.. whereas this is GA, Friday. But the form he's using looks the same, and I've NEVER seen that form before. 3) i can't make out the fracture in the x-ray at all. How do they know? Always thought it would be like a nice break, black color and obvious. but it's not? 4) I feel like crying, honestly. and laughing too.
then i get to xray my right hand for comparison, whereupon it becomes clear that the adjoining lunate(?) bone ligament is damaged and the bone is out of place. so that's more work, and additional metal wire in my wrist. gosh.
so I've informed mom, and key, and aunt puay lan, and cleared the standby duties I have in camp this week, and... it's so busy. My hand is hurting more and I'm not sure if it's because i'm psychologically imagining more pain. And three more visits to the doctor this week. Wednesday, for a full CT scan so they can get a clearer picture: the wrist has too many bones for a normal x-ray to work well. Thursday, for a final checkup with the specialist. and friday, for the operation.
I'm scared. honestly.
But with God looking over me and key supporting me, things are going to be fine. I think.
8:03 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Love this, saw it in the newspaper saturday.
ASKED recently how he stays youthful, Senior Minister Lee Kuan Yew told his studio and television audience in China: 'Eat less than you want to; work more than you need to; sleep well.'
11:11 PM
shuxiang's gone back to taiwan... hm. gotta visit him soon. but it seems like he got back just in time for the big storm...
10:28 PM
Friday, July 02, 2004
A seedy alley behind a small, obscure pub by the name of The Gentleman Loser. That same smell of fermented soy rubbish and strong uncut liquor common across a hundred cities around the world, same dark lighting, throwing all the exposed planes in the alley into sharp relief. The silent hum of the Tactical Hover as it sweeps by, it's hyper-bright, night-into-day searchlamp dazzling D momentarily. A pair of simple eye augments would deal with that problem, as well as a thousand other small inconveniences like darkness and smoke. But D's kind of superstitious. He likes to see things with his own eyes, and by that he means organic. It's an expensive eccentricity in this day and age.
"Step in here." Kanto is just suddenly there. Had he been invisibly observing D? Or had he taken the opportunity provided by the Tactical to slip in momentarily. But Old Racoon likes to play little tricks like this, and D lets it pass. Stepping into the little sheltered alcove of the Loser's rear entrance, and not a minute too soon. A sudden downpour, heavy as a hammer, descends on the alley with the sound of a thousand percussions, drums made of corrugated tin and sheet steel. D starts to speak, but Kanto has already started. "The wind of migration is blowing, and in a thousand trees the cocoons are breaking. They gather around you, unaware of you yet drawn irresistably to you as to the sun. There is great danger for those around you, but out of the darkness you will find friends, though they know you not. Grasp hold of them, lay hold of them in the darkness, and bring them with you into the light. For when you are blinded, they will guide you."
That was just too complicated, he's lost most of it. "Hey old man, you've gotta repeat..." But Kanto is gone, the place where he had been a pile of newspapers and leaves dissolving from the shape, the suggestion of a human being, into the compost it came out of. By reflex, grabbing a single sheet of torn newsprint, and staring at the headline. ".. GO HOME .. "
*********************
Home, and Nix. Normally, the smell of Oceanus and Shoku shampoo, and the warmth of Nix's arms, and curling up in a couch, in front of the electric fireplace, the musty smell of old books. Today, the warm blood and vomit mixed in his hands as he held Nix up. She was still retching, very faint, and she needed a hospital. Lightning had struck the power line about five clicks away, and the lights and traffic lights were out for ten blocks in every direction. Rushing, rushing in gridlock, and the cars inching forward ever so slowly. And then from the darkness of the surrounding streets, a figure dressed all in white, a white jumper, bright lights flashing from his hands, stepping onto the highway ramp, guiding traffic left, right, left. And the jam clearing, and hope flaring brightly in his heart. Up the ramp, one last glimpse of the stranger. and Kanto's words reverb in his head, and by instinct, fires off his micro-cam for a picture, a friend to find later.
10:00 PM
There was this HUGE blackout in Singapore 29th June, about 10.30pm. It's like, an extremely rare thing in Singapore, so it's kind of a big hoo-ha here. But the story i want to tell is not of a mishap in a power plant or a terrorist attack, but something much simpler. Of how, in the dark night, a pedestrian, young, maybe 16 years of age, dressed in a white long sleeved sweater and with a haversack on his bag, came out of the darkness to stand in the middle of a busy road junction directing traffic, to clear a huge jam. Thank you, neighbor.
9:54 PM